So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
