Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
