Your dad touched me again.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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