did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
