a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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