It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i out mim tonsoeep
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