she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
