Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
