So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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