btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
