I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
