My hand turned me down
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
