I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
