Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
