You're so nebulous sometimes
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
