that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
