good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
