real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
