People in love make me want to vomit
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
