So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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