I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
