I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
