I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
