mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
