i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
