It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
