So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
