I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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