Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
