so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Need sex. Gaining weight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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