Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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