You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
