I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
