yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
