U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
