We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
