I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize