is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
