quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
