There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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