his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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