I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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