I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
