Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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