just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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