God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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