There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
