I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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