I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
