THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
