my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
