That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Success! We fucked roommates!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
