glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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