Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
