I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
