I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
