Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
this will be a night to untag.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
