my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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