you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
