woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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