you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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