Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
