I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
