I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
