You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
