oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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