Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
