Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
