Your dad touched me again.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize