This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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