For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize