theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
